On the goal of meeting three new people a week - A ten week retrospective
Wednesday, March 15, 2006 at 9:07PM 
At the start of the year, I decided to try an experiment (see A geek "gets" networking: The strange magic of connecting with others): I was going to grow my personal network by three people per week for a year, a goal that seemed both audacious and possible, given a bit of stretching (which Alvin says is The Most Important Thing to Do).
In the last ten weeks I've connected with about 50 new people, which actually exceeds my goal of three per week (30 at this point). Even this early in the experiment, I've had a number of lessons and questions come up, which follow. However, the short story is 1) it's fun, 2) it's work, 3) it's personally challenging and rewarding, and 4) I don't know where it's going!
Effort
Growing and managing a personal network takes work. For example, I take notes at almost every meeting, which means I collect lots of notes that need processing (see Dealing with Meeting Notes - GTD to the Rescue!). It also means talking at night with folks from other time zones when I'm tired, managing appointments and cancellations, etc. I definitely enjoy it, but it was a bit of a wake-up call.
Surprises
I've made a surprising number of connections via people reading my blog (see the upper-left portion of the network above), and my comments on others' blogs. Some recent examples: Bob Walsh, Joe McCarthy, Michelle Crane, Chris Brogan, Pascal Venier, Pamela Stewart, and a host of others. All very wonderful people.
Another surprise was an attitude change I had about what I considered a persistent problem: Years ago I transcribed a bunch of pop tunes and put them up on the net, way back before SPAM was a problem. This might excuse the fact that I included my "real" email address in them at the bottom where I asked for corrections. Well, I keep getting corrections (and SPAM) as a result. However, since I began thinking about networking, I've had a mental shift from from annoyance to opportunity. And this shift applies to everything in my life.
Tools
I'm using a combination of FreeMind and a plain text log file (see My Big-Arse Text File - a Poor Man's Wiki+Blog+PIM) to help manage the growing network. I've uploaded a shrunken version of the map here. Also, Skype is very helpful, esp. when talking with people overseas (I've called the UK, Australia, and Jordan, so far).
(As an aside, I've created a "like to know" section of the network, which I use to set goals. It's a kind of "visualize wild success" thing, which as already started panning out. (Currently, the list partially includes: Merlin Mann, David Allen, Steve Pavlina, Sally McGhee, Stephen Covey, Larry Burdick, and a bunch of local people including my University's Chancellor.)
Questions
Doing this made me ask early on "What's the point?" I'm still not clear, but I still feel networking is a crucial part of my process. However, there are times when I can't confidently explain my purpose to others. The issue sometimes arises because I'm doing this for multiple reasons: to meet people (anyone interesting, really), to practice networking and listening, to be open to new directions/opportunities (esp. my effort to become a productivity coach, to find information/work in productivity, and to learn about related/other fields.
Also, I'm focusing more on deciding who I should talk to - what's the use to them, and to me? I want to retain the "wild" quality of my initial vision, which means being open to meeting anyone. (My good friend David Marshall called it "following scents," which is, if unfair, at least graphic! BTW - check out my favorite painting of his: Tangerines and Kisses!) However, I'm now putting the most energy into meeting people in which there's a clearer mutual benefit.
Lessons
I've found it invaluable to prepare before talking with people. As Ferrazzi says in Never Eat Alone, with Google there's no excuse to not read up on someone you're going to meet with. And these days, given the folks I want to talk to, they almost always have some information available on-line. Preparing gives me starting points for understanding and listening to them, and helps me think of ways to help them.
I've also found it useful to have a backup list of questions in case conversations stall. For example, in my case: life/career changes, networking, reading for education, and personal productivity. Questions like: "Have you ever initiated a major career change?" and "Do you have a book that changed your life?" are always fun to hear answered.
Lastly, to help ensure I don't forget something, I use the following post-networking checklist:
- Send a thank you email within 12-24 hours. mention specifics, genuine praise, etc.
- Send a thank-you to referrer (the person who made the referral or introduction). This is one place where good mapping comes in handy.
- Set a reminder in one month to check-in again with the person.
- Record the event in my FreeMind network and text file diary/journal (see above).
- And of course, follow-up on any commitments you made - offers to introduce or help the person are a gem.
Related Posts
Here are some other networking-related posts:
- From No Time to Network, Keith Ferrazzi says:
If you're stressed out because you can't fit in any time for networking, my advice is this: Don't.
That's right. Don't even try to squeeze it in. Instead, focus on meeting people more often during the things you already have to do. That way, you can relax and let networking time come to you. - As Ian Ybarra says in The best way to prepare for your career:
The best way to knock the dust off your skills or tame your nerves...the best way to prepare for your career...is to start doing the work you want. Now.
- On having courage and being audacious (something I find necessary when reaching out), Jason Womack says his aunt's passed along this advice:
Until you ask, the answer's "No."
- In Networking surprises - Some recent unexpected (but successful) outcomes I talk about dealing with surprises when talking with folks.
- See my post The most important networking question for what you should always remember to ask.
Reader Comments (13)
Excellent post!
I noticed that Jason Womack was on the Personal Productivity Show on the Podcast Network - not once, but twice! They couldn't get enough of him....
They're at http://productivity.thepodcastnetwork.com and the shows are #21 and #22.
Also, references I've seen said that you can only be close to about 20 people; beyond that, people are acquaintances....
David: Thanks very much for the support, and for the pointer to Jason's new podcast. And I'm always interested in "magic" numbers like 20, 7, etc.
Someone passed along this nice comment via email:
I just read your latest post on networking. One comment called to mind a favorite quote:
Whatever you focus on, you're going to get more of. Creation is an extension of thought. Think lack and you get lack. Think abundance and you get more. -- Marianne Williamson
It sounded strange the first time I read it, but it keeps being true for me. I don't quite know what keyed off that connection, but I thought I'd pass it along.
I did say that, didn't I ;)
Hurrah Matt! You not only reached your goal, but surpassed it! I'm very happy for you :D
Btw I've added your blog to our blogroll. I love the stuff you write and hearing about your journey to becoming a coach (I am too).
Hi Alvin. Thanks very much for reading, and for your support. Please, keep up the great writing.
Matt,
Another great post! the links that you provide are always so relevant to the topic that I have to check them all out.
I am curious, is your big text file linked in any way to free mind or are they separate?
Thanks for sharing your accomplishment(s) and lessons, so that I / we can share in your joy and learning!
Several things popped into mind as I was reading this post (and comments).
One is that I think your short story -- fun, work, challenge, reward and uncertainty about outcomes -- is a nice, concise recipe for any worthwhile endeavor ... at least any that I've been engaged in.
Your mental shift of annoyance to abundance reminds me of my own growing awarenss of the opportunities to choose [ love over fear | http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1587611961/ref=ase_gumption-20 ], and [ abundance over scarcity | http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591792878/ref=ase_gumption-20 ].
Finally, I also subscribe to your strategy of googling before meeting, and would extend that approach to the followup / check-in. When a new contact has a weblog, I find that reading it reduces the need to "ping" them via email, and that by posting comments I can continue to maintain the relationship ... and sometimes create opportunities for the network to grow (e.g., I discovered your blog via a comment you left on another person's blog, which paved the way for us to reconnect after 10 years).
As another example, if whoever sent you that email with the inspiring Marianne Williamson quote were to have posted that as a comment instead, I, for one, would have been very interested in learning more about that person ... a missed network-expanding opportunity.
Hi Tom. Thanks for the support. (As an aside - I lost a few readers after this post - interesting, but not great news!)
I am curious, is your big text file linked in any way to free mind or are they separate?
Great question - they're linked implicitly via WikiWords, i.e., totally manually. :-(
Hey, Joe. Thanks for the great comment.
One is that I think your short story -- fun, work, challenge, reward and uncertainty about outcomes -- is a nice, concise recipe for any worthwhile endeavor ... at least any that I've been engaged in.
Hear, hear!
Your mental shift of annoyance to abundance reminds me of my own growing awarenss of the opportunities to choose love over fear, and abundance over scarcity.
Nice - that's the choice; how do you do this, though? You can always find (well-meaning) folks to say "just __", i.e., "just stop worrying" or "just don't think about it"...
...sometimes create opportunities for the network to grow (e.g., I discovered your blog via a comment you left on another person's blog, which paved the way for us to reconnect after 10 years).
I appreciate your thoughts, and the continued dialog - gems aplenty!
As another example, if whoever sent you that email with the inspiring Marianne Williamson quote were to have posted that as a comment instead, I, for one, would have been very interested in learning more about that person ... a missed network-expanding opportunity.
I thought so too. Great point.
Thanks again, Joe.
Hi Matt
Facinating post. I'd be really interested to hear more about your networking adventure. I'm considering setting a similar goal?
How many are you up to now?
What is the most successful / least successful approach you are using to get the connections?
Are all the meetings face to face?
What exciting things have happened as a result of the contacts?
Lots of questions!
Regards
John
Thanks for the great questions, John. I'll put it in the pipeline for a future post. I appreciate your reading!
Scientific American Mind of April/May 2006 had this to say about social circles:
"Your social circles may seem chaotic. But they actually form regular hierarchal structures-in the shape of concentric rings-according of evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar of the University of Liverpool in England.
Our closest intimates form a innermost hoop of three or four, or at most five, people. We feel our greatest emotional connection with them, and we share with them our common interests, values and opinions. In crises they help us, and they advise us on personal, emotional and financial matters. Generally, we will be in contact with members of our "support group" at least once a week.
The next circle holds between 12 and 20. Our relationship with these individuals is less strong, but we maintain a caring mutual interest. The subsequent level contains between 30 and 50; our attachment is considerably looser, although we still have regular, if only occasionally, contact. Dunbar postulates at least two other loops with even looser relationships.
At each step in our growing circle of acquaintances, the number of individuals increases by approximately a factor of three, Dunbar discovered. For example, in many countries the smallest battle unit consists of 10-15 soldiers, a platoon of 35 and a company of 120 to 150. This magical maximum has cropped up again and again for millennia. The Roman army's basic unit, the maniple, had 150 soldiers. Today the size of most companies fluctuates between 120 and 150."
Skye, thanks very much for the blurb - extremely interesting. I read a bit about this in Ferazzi's books, I believe where he talks about choosing your network. But the research you point to looks more detailed - thanks a ton!
Now to dig up the issue...